My last post caused a bit of a ruckus. It wasn’t written in such a negative manner as it was received, which I think deserves some credit. I was just capturing a mood and honestly reflecting on my past associations with that mood. The feedback wasn’t all bad, I got some praise as well by those who understood the beauty of honesty. However, overall it just made me more aware of how I’m not meant for most people. And I’m okay with that. If that’s the burden that I have to carry, then I will proudly. I’ve always said that I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.

I’m a conundrum of sorts. In social situations, I can be blunt and honest to a certain degree. Only because I’m not the best at articulating exactly what I think verbally and the societal norms always dictate what’s socially acceptable. Sometimes I’m forced to contain my thoughts, opinions, and perspective in order adapt to the mood of a certain situation. And I’m truly fine with that. In social situations, I’m busy trying to soak in the atmosphere around me, genuinely have a good time, connect and socialize with others that I don’t have to share everything that I’m feeling.

But, when I write, the tables turn and I’m entering my personal domain where I feel comfortable the most. This is me in my rawest form. People who think they know me don’t really know me until they read what I write.

It’s understandable why people shirk and squirm at honesty. We live in a country operated by a government that constantly lies to us. Our system of commerce operates on selling us everything we could possibly want as opposed to giving us what we really need. Our media feeds us lies about how the perfect woman, man, couple, kids, family, job, life should look like. They paralyze us with drama, gossip, and reality TV while also showing us who we should blame for our lot in life. If it bleeds, it leads, further demonstrating how to shock Americans into submission.

Then, the government, companies, and the media work in tandem to reinforce this corrupt illusion that they’ve created while it simultaneously falls apart around us. We see, hear and feel the lies, but we’ve been spoiled into compliance and refuse to do anything to change it because the unknown frightens us more. Others who have the courage to speak up and express their truth are marginalized, fired, condemned, and demonized by the majority who “believe” in freedom of speech, but are so comforted by the blatancy of lies that surround us that pure honesty truly scares and enrages them.

Well, I don’t want to be trapped behind the veil of darkness. I want an authentic life. A life without doubt over who or what I am. I don’t want to hide from the truth about myself or others. I want to be aware of what’s going on around me and outside of my realm of understanding. It’s necessary for my journey towards self-actualization and self-discovery. If no one else can’t understand or appreciate the huge part that honesty plays in my life, then know this: This is my show. You’re just a co-star. Act right or I’ll write you out of it.